Friday, September 21, 2012

Me


Recently, I have turned 30.

Recently, I have finally redeemed my career.

Recently, I can finally recognise my effort again.

Graduated at age of 22 with a diploma, I am passionate to start my career. I thought my study would get me to the top. I thought I am confidence enough to take on any challenge. I worked extra hard and show off my strength; language skill, social skill, self-presentation and applying my study. In two years time, I have got myself a spot on the mid-management level of an international company. Everything just seems to click, but not in the reality. 

After one year of stressful mid-management life, I have finally got wash out by this real world. School has prepared me with knowledge and skills to survive in the industry, but not politic. Books have taught me about management, but not leading. I learned how to coach from my professor, but incapable to apply.

I quiet my job at age of 25, after a long battle to get myself where most people desire to be.

My father tried to comfort me; “you are just so brave to leave that spot while the going is good.”

I knew I have failed.  I went back to study again, to finish my degree.

Before and while in school, I have consistently asked myself the same question; “why do I fail?”

I work hard, extra hard. My boss used to enjoy my work. My subordinates used to admire my talent. My peers used to love to work with me.

What has gone wrong?

Before my promotion to the mid-management;

I scolded my team harder for better performance. I started to challenge the system. I tried to out-work everyone. I gave up friends and teammates.

After the promotion, I wanted to achieve more. I desired to change things. I worked extra harder. I stop to enjoy everything I do. I stop appreciate people and things around me. I aim for the next peak.

It is my fault for the failure. I need a change.

While I questioning myself and finally settle with such answer, there was another question popped up to my mind; “Why nobody has tried to stop me?”

I tried to recall my memories for those whom I have known made the same mistake. They were all young like me. They were all aiming for the same thing, title. We all fail almost in the same way. I quiet, they didn’t, but we all knew that we have fail ourselves. We were unhappy. We were unhappy about our so-called wonderful career achievement at young age.

But no one has ever tried to stop us. No one has tried to ask us not to try so hard for the position. No one has ever tried to remind us to appreciate life. Therefore, many of the now-a-day young talents fail from chasing a wrong dream. Worst, some did not even live with a dream, but the name.

There was no one there for me before I realized my mistake, but there can be someone there for those upcoming one, I.

That's how I got myself into training. That's how I have settled my goal. That's how I have redeemed myself. That’s how I can finally recognized myself again.

I have not achieved something great yet. I do not have a big title. I am not a millionaire or billionaire. I am not famous at all. I am nobody.

But I am happy and proud of my career. I am living my dream.

This is the beginning of my story.

If you have just failed, stay positive. Because your story might just be at the corner.